Friendship

I can say it’s still an unknown word for me.All I have wished for in my entire life is in fact a true friend who stays by my side through thick and thin, who I can share my tears and fears, my secrets and feelings alike. I really envy those pairs or groups of friends who go shopping together laughing and enjoying themselves on trips, etc.
It’s not that I have no friends at all.I do have my classmates and old friends from sec school (now lost contact). I have my clique at school, but I just want to stop being second choice in my life or sometimes not being an option at all. We did go shopping together or eat out at times. I might laugh along with them but never the centre of the group. In other words, me not being with them won’t change anything (I feel like). I am not the most fun person or wittiest around but definitely not the socially awkward type. I really envy those in my clique who are closer. I always tried..tried to help them , talk to them but it seems all are not as fun or interesting enough to them. Of course they won’t say I’m not a fun person or just an extra to them. But I just wanna stop just tagging along with little or no presence. Well they share stories of how crazy their families are, the boyfriend’s families and all. Well it it were me, I’ll be uncomfortable of talking at these.Well maybe cos I don’t think of them as close friends or I’m afraid of being judged or even both.The point is that my childhood and teenage years were gloomy and cold. I only knew how to study without making friends since the early days. But now, even when I was a bookworm previously, look at my academics now..not that spectacular .
I have always believed that friendship is one mind with two bodies. We won’t even need to voice our what is in each other’ s mind. My ideal friendship wouldn’t need the words ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you’. I just want a best friend who I can rely on after all. I am willing to listen to her worries and she will listen to mine. We will go shopping together,  buy friendship bracelets and such. We will celebrate each others’ birthdays and exchange presents.
Friendship might be the most simple thing for many but don’t take it for granted cos there are still a lot who crave and are desperate for this simple friendship like me.
I pray and pray hard that I’ll meet someone whom I can call my true best friend, my soul mate.Well, ppl say stop wishing and start doing. What can I do? I have tried and tried . When can I ever have a friend to chat for hours? I’ve never been lucky with friends but I just wish that I’ll meet a person who will befriend me for who I really am.

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Love to me…

How many times do people fall in love in their lifetime…consuming the energy of innocence, life and soul. How many times can a person fall into so desperate a love? I don’t believe someone who says he’s found such love repeatedly. For me, there was only once. That will never change, not if 1000 years pass, not even if an eternity goes by.

No Other

There is someone I keep in my heart _ I love him and no one else. It is a love that will only die with me.
You may ask, death could be some time away _ what if from now to then, you love someone new?
Well I can tell you, there is only one love. If any person claims to have loved twice in all their life _ they have not loved at all.

First step

After hesitating for a few days whether to start my own blog, now here I am writing my first post. In fact, I’ve considered blogging since a few months ago, but I was not confident enough to keep my blog updated and also not open enough to share my thoughts, feelings and life. It’s Not that now I am confident and comfortable to disclose all about myself. Yeah, I am a super introverted person. So here I am not going to post my own picture or sensitive info like my real name. You can say I am too cautious because I don’t wanna risk people around me knowing this blog is actually mine!
It’s one of the reasons why I decided start a blog. I wanted to share my deepest feelings be it happiness or scars I want to forget which I cannot tell anybody yet. So, that’s it for now. Till next time!